Jacob I Loved

There is a passage in Romans 9 that has always and still boggles me. The main verse that bothers me is verse 13. It says, “”Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.” I don’t want to get into the theology or the historical and cultural understanding of the passage and words. I just want to use the passage to express an emotion.

I love that God is a God of grace. I love how He gives freely to us even though we don’t deserve it and don’t appreciate it it when we do get it. I just don’t like that He’s like that with everyone. Sometimes, I get mad at God because, as much as He might bless me, He’ll bless my enemies just as much… sometimes more. I guess that’s a natural component of anger and, dare I say, hatred. We want those that hurt us to be hurt as well. I don’t like feeling that way but that’s how I feel. Okay, so maybe there’s a part of me that actually DOES like feeling that way. I’m tired of hiding the fact that I can be vengeful. I think that’s what they call confession.

I’m just glad that God’s loving propensity towards forgiveness for me is much greater than mine towards others.

Quick to Listen

“Everyone should be quick to listen…” [James 1:19-20]

How often do you listen… I mean, really listen? We live in a world of bad listeners.

try one of these…

next time you’re in a group conversation (works especially well in Church small group/bible study groups) pay attention to how often people get cut off during a discussion.

or next time you’re talking to someone, pay attention to how many times they don’t actually answer what you asked or said to them.

I think I’ve lost my faith in pastors. At one point, I thought pastors were supposed to be super counselors who had all the right words and knew how to listen to people. But after many years in Christian ministry and after working with many different pastors, I have found that only a handful of them really know how to listen. I mean, really listen. I’m not saying that there should be some sort of high expectation for them to do that, I’m just saying they’re just like the rest of us bad listeners.

I love how God is such a good listener. There are so many times in the Bible that talks about God listening or hearing. But the one thing He seems to hear most clearly, is injustice. In the story of Cain and Abel, God, speaking to Cain says, “Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground!” [Genesis 4:10]. Abel’s blood cried out for justice. How keen are the hears of God to the cries of the helpless; They’re attuned to voices of the voiceless.

Many years later, there was another sacrifice given. It was like Abel’s offering, a lamb. He was called the lamb of God. And Jesus, in all his innocence, willingly placed himself as the perfect sacrifice for all the injustices we have done. There was blood dripping down from his head, hands, feet, and side. And his blood cried out for justice… but for justice to fall on him.

And God listened.
He listened to the false accusations they threw at Jesus as they whipped and tore his back away so that he could carry our true accusations on his back for us.

Jesus listened to the silence of God the Father turning his back on him while on the cross, not hearing the words, “Why have you forshaken me?” so that we could hear the words, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” [Hebrews 13:5].

And when the blood drained out from his head, hands, side, and feet, it cried out to God and He listened it marked in His son… death… but marked in us… life.

And now all we need to do is listen. Repent. and Receive. And really know the truth of what it means that he will never leave or forsake us.

Redemptive Pain

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” John 15:1-2

Ouch.

Miracle

I was watching an episode of The Tonight Show earlier tonight and they had the pilot who safely landed a commercial airplane on the Hudson river. The incident is known as the Hudson River miracle. It reminded me of an illustration of what life after death is like if you have Jesus. I know it isn’t the perfect illustration but it gives me hope in knowing that suffering here in this life has purpose well beyond anything we can imagine.

I think about the passengers on the plane and what they must have been going through. I think about what was going through their minds when the captain stated on the intercom, “Ladies and Gentlemen, brace for impact.” They probably thought about all the things they would never get to do in life. Maybe they thought about the regrets they had such as a fight they had with a husband that morning. Maybe they regreted never telling that girl that they’ve been in love with how they really felt. Maybe they thought about all the different parts of the world that they never saw or all the different flavors of ice cream they never tasted. Some of them probably thought about how much time they wasted at the office getting a little extra work done when they could’ve been at home, spending time with their kids. And maybe they thought about why this was happening to them.

But then it happens. A miracle. All 155 passengers on the plane were safe. Can you imagine what their lives were after that? Everything in their life must have been a little bit more sweeter. Every phone call was probably a little bit more precious. Every minute, a miracle.

The Bible says that in the end, God will create a New Heaven and a New Earth. It’s not that eternity is in this far off and distant land of golden streets, but it’ll be a place where everything is restored. It would be like being a passenger on that flight, wondering why it was happening to them, only to find out… it was more like a bad dream, making everything just that much more precious. And that’s why there’s hope in suffering. Because it is only through suffering that we can find what we will really be restored from.

“We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God” [Acts 14:22]

Now, I don’t want to minimize suffering because suffering is never easy. I don’t want to compare it to other people’s suffering and say that it could be worse; your suffering is your suffering. I just want to give some purpose to it. I want to give some hope to it.

You see, Jesus did the opposite. He came from a place of no suffering. He came from a place where there are no tears and no more pain. And he chose to give that up and enter into our world. And he not only came but he chose to take on the horrors that we create and put them on himself. He chose to have them nailed to his hands and feet as he hung on the cross.

He entered into a nightmare so that we could be restored into a dream come true. He did that for us. He did that for you. He did that for me. I don’t know why anyone would do something like that for someone like me. It doesn’t really make sense.

So I guess that’s why it’s really… a miracle.

Where Are You?

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?”

[Genesis 3:6-8]

There have been so many debates about Adam and Eve. The main debate tends to be who’s fault it was… was it Eve’s fault for eating the fruit first… was it Adam’s for disobeying God’s direct command… was it the first case of how the devil “made me do it?” Some people even debate that it was God’s fault. I think if we get caught up in these issues, we miss some profound truth found in those verses.

We often blame others when things go wrong. I know I like to do it. This passage gives us a great picture of how that works. Adam blames Eve, Eve blames the serpent. You see it throughout scripture… people giving excuses for how we hurt, lie, cheat, steal, and murder. I think this passage, though often comes with an ugly tone, is actually quite beautiful. You see, Adam and Eve were so caught up in trying to pass the blame they missed out on one key thing… God was asking where they were.

Why would God ask where they were? I mean, doesn’t he know everything? But that’s the point, he was well aware that Adam and Eve had messed up but He was pursuing them…

Where are you?

Did you eat from the tree?

What is this you have done?

Those were all opportunities that God was giving to Adam and Eve to come forth and be honest. He was looking to reconnect with his beloved children. That’s the story of us. That’s my story at least. We mess up and when God asks us to be up front and honest, we make excuses. We become ashamed of our nakedness. We hide. And when we make excuses we miss out on something beautiful… the grace of God. Sometimes we have no problem blaming ourselves… we’ll beat ourselves up to the point that we can’t even hear God calling for us… seeking us out; It’s just another form of hiding. I’m not saying we should practice some sort of happy-go-lucky or chaotic theology that isn’t hard on sin… I’m saying that God is definitely hard on sin, but he’s even harder on grace.

Many years later after Adam and Eve, Jesus was in a garden as well. This garden wasn’t a garden of paradise for him… it was a garden of pain. The bible says that Jesus was in such torment and agony that he was sweating blood. They arrested him, took him away, and accused him of all kinds of wrong-doing. But unlike Adam and Even, he had done nothing wrong.

But he had no excuses…
and though he had every right to, he didn’t blame anyone.

When they hung him up on the cross, he also cried out, where are you? He cried out to God, but there was no answer. Silence.

You see, for Jesus… “where are you?” meant he was separated from God… abandoned, forgotten, left for dead. But he did that so that when we hear “where are you?” it means a reconnection with God. It’s no longer a question of guilt but of grace. It’s Jesus, dying on a cross, showing you that he is seeking you out in the most incredible way… by sacrificing himself. He became naked so that we could be clothed in righteousness.

So maybe you’re like me… I sometimes ask God where he is. But if I were to pay attention and remember the cross and how much he loves me…

I would realize that God’s been asking me the same question my entire life. Maybe he’s asking you the same thing, where are you?

Talkin’ Trash

“Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.” [1 Peter 1:1-3]

In my supervision for my training as a therapist, we talked about how a client was cutting themselves. Our supervisor reminding everyone that if your client is cutting and you have them stop, make sure you replace it with a different action. It’s a coping skill, you have to replace it with a healthier one.

Malice, deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander in actuality are spiritual coping skills. So if you find yourself talking badly about a lot of people or a specific person… maybe you’re just trying to cope with a deeper emotional or spiritual issue.

Malice… Perhaps it’s to cope with pain or hurt.
Deceit, hypocrisy… Maybe it’s cover some deeper shame.
Envy, slander…Maybe it’s to express desire to be superior

They’re our spiritual coping skills but the author, Peter, offers us an alternate coping skill… spiritual milk… growth in our faith. And how to get this milk? It’s by tasting that God is good.

If God is good in my life then I know my pain or hurt has a good purpose and it will always work out for good… someway… somehow. If God is good and He loves me then there is no insecurity that can be found. The one whom God loves with an ultimate love is completely affirmed and validated. If God is good and He sacrificed His goodness on the cross… that means I am so sinful that I needed it. I can no longer feel superior to anybody.

We must have an experience with the goodness of God… in everything we do or we will always lose perspective in our world; we are so sinful that He had to die, but so loved that He gladly did it. So what is it that you’re dealing with today? Maybe it’s not full on malice but you do want someone who’s hurt you to be hurt just as much as you were. Maybe it’s not full on deceit but you are spending everything you can to put up an image, have a nice house, drive a nice car, date a pretty girl, know all the right people… only because you’re hiding the truth that you think you’re not good enough without them. And there might not be out right slander, but under your breath you curse those you feel beneath you because you don’t want to face the reality that your own efforts mean nothing in the greater picture.

So come… taste and see… taste and see that the Lord is good. He can free you of all these things and fill you with all of His goodness. He demonstrated this when He went up on the cross. As He hung up they gave him some vinegar to drink. The taste was sour in his lips. He looked up to see the face of His Father, but there were only dark clouds. He couldn’t taste and see goodness. Jesus tasted and saw evil so that we could taste and see that God is good. He entered death so that we could be reborn.

So no matter what you’re struggling with… take it to Him. Remember the cross. Taste and see that He is good.

Dinner With Joanne

I bought Joanne dinner and gave her a hug. I never spoke to her again. I wonder what she’s doing right now. I wonder if she ever thinks of me. I met Joanne in Downtown Chicago. Some friends and I had just gotten out of a restaurant where we ate expensive, yet delectable, food and drank drinks that were unkind to our wallets. Our hunger was satiated beyond the point of dessert… well, not really… we all shared in a communal sweet. As we were waiting outside of the restaurant and loitering, like Asians are often in the custom of doing, I saw her. She was frail, tired, and worn out. Many hardships and the scarcity of kindness had painted her face with loneliness. Joanne is a homeless person. Joanne is a bum.

I asked her if she wanted something to eat. I took her request and went inside the restaurant and ordered a burger for her. It would probably be the most expensive burger she had ever eaten… at least I’d like to think so. Maybe my meal was far more special than any other meal anyone has ever bought her. We couldn’t stay because we had to leave to get back to South Barrington. I asked the manager if he could bring out the meal to her when it was done. He said it was against their policy to bring food outside for customers. I then told him that I’ll have her wait inside for the meal. He relented and promised me that he would bring it out for her. I gave him a nice tip. I really hope he brought it out for her.

When I went back outside, Sam was talking to her and listening to her story. I guess buying someone a meal is much easier than having a real conversation with them. I guess I tried that once with a homeless lady I met in Glendale and our conversation was limited to one word answers. I think she had a mental disorder so she wasn’t much for conversation. The only words she needed to hear were, “Eat. Taste some dignity. Somebody cares what happens to you.” But maybe… I was really buying myself some freedom from guilt for having a life of blessing when my life could have been very different for no apparent reason at all.

We gave Joanne a hug and went on our way. I’d like to think that she enjoyed the most delicious burger she has ever had in her life and for one night… she actually felt full.

Beautiful, Reckless Grace

[originally posted on july 3, 2009]

A while ago I had coffee with Pastor Brian. We did the usual… I probably brought up relationships, he probably told me that the girl was probably bad news and I should just leave it alone. I probably didn’t listen. He was probably right. That’s how those things work. I remember thinking about that conversation over and over again, even up until the past couple of weeks, and especially in the last few days.

I remember walking away thinking that I spent nearly 3-4 hours talking to him but it was mostly him investing in me. I told him later on that I was sorry for always using him. He told me that he never felt that way when we hung out.

I remember him telling me some hard things about some people I could not forgive. I was pretty upset at the time. Now I understand why he might have said those things. Maybe he was really speaking on his behalf. We all need forgiveness.

I remember him asking me how I was going to pay for school. I jokingly told him that I would borrow from “Bank of Mom and Dad.” I said that I was relying on the grace of my parents. He said to me, that’s not grace… grace is if you got yourself into deep trouble by disobeying your parents and they still took you back in and let you live with them.

But now I realize… he was wrong. That’s not grace.

Grace would be like if I got myself into deep trouble… and before I even said I was sorry or even asked for help, my parents, not only took me in, they gave me their house, their car, all their properties and investments, all their money… showered me with love and affection… then went and took on the consequences of my wrong-doing… and then treated me as if I was the best son in the world. That’s the grace of the Jesus.

It was Jesus that became homeless so that we could live in the Father’s house. He became poor so that we could become rich. He became a slave so that we could be free. He became orphaned so that we could be adopted. He experienced darkness so that we could walk in the light. He took on the full force of death itself… so that we could have life. And he gave it all to us… free… at his expense.

It’s unbelieveable… it’s reckless… but it’s beautiful. And if you know Jesus then that is the pulse of your life… God’s scandalous and amazing grace. It changes me. It shifts the entire way I see the world. How could I hate? How could I not forgive? How could I not see that everything I have is because of his grace? How could I not do anything but love, love some more, and shower grace all around me.

That was the last time I hung out with Brian. He’s usually right about most things… but that day he was wrong about the definition of grace. And I’m thankful for that because I wouldn’t know what I’d do if God’s grace was anything less than what it is. May his grace will rain on you like a waterfall. His unbelievable… reckless… beautiful grace.

Invisible

[originally written on june 4, 2009]

Awhile back, I was having lunch when some of my friends started talking about someone who recently got engaged. That person was engaged to my ex-girlfriend. They knew that the scenario brought hurtful feelings in me but they kept talking about it right across the table in front of me as if I didn’t exist. I couldn’t concentrate after experiencing them talk about it as if I was of no consequence. I just got up and left. I felt so invisible.

Growing up was confusing but there were moments when I didn’t feel so invisible. I had a group of friends who would stick up for me if anybody did or said anything to me that disrespected me. They had very persuasive methods of defending me that probably weren’t the most appropriate or legal, but when you’re a confused adolescent, it was good enough.

Maybe that’s what I’ve been looking for, someone to stick up for me… someone to recognize that it hurt… to defend my anger… to fight for me. I’m a grown man that still has a part of me that’s just a scared little boy… talk about regression.

There was another time that someone stuck up for me. He was a king. The king gave up his crown of glory for a crown of thorns. He gave up his robe of righteousness to be striped naked. He became weak so that I could be strong. He was forsaken so that I could be forgiven. He stood up for me and took my place. But he didn’t just take my place, he put me where he belonged and made me royalty. He looks at me and says there’s no one like you. His thoughts for me are like the grains of sand. He sees me in the distance and runs to embrace me in my brokenness. He accepts me even in my defiance. I am never invisible… not to him.

I see my first client today. And though they’re coming in to see me, I hope they know that I can see them… that they’re not invisible.

Saving is Expensive

[originally posted on may 29, 2009]

There it was, every Ikea shopper’s guilty pleasure… the “As-Is” section. As I entered the sacred section to peruse the glories of discounted furniture, I discovered something beautiful. Behold… there it was… it was this funky bookshelf that I was thinking about buying for awhile. What more could I ask for? It was in great shape, it was already assembled, and it was about 50% off the normal price. Though it was a bit of a challenge trying to get that thing into my sedan, I somehow managed to make it work. Victorious! High fives all around.

So there I was, driving along the streets of Costa Mesa with a big smile on my face, listening to the new Green Day album when I came to a sudden dip in the road. I braced my beloved shelf for the impact. As I hit the dip, I heard a cracking noise. Did I break one of the $3 mirrors? To my horror, it wasn’t the cheapy mirrors… it was my windshield. The corner of the shelf had jumped up and hit the glass and cracked it.

I was about to fume up when this thought came to me… I tried to save $50 but, as a result, it’ll probably cost me $350 or more to fix my windshield. For some reason it was kind of funny. Maybe I was in shock.

Saving actually cost me something.

Maybe I thought it was funny because I realized that to save me… it came at tremendous expense to God. Jesus gave up His kingdom so that He could become poor and live among us. And, as if that wasn’t enough, He lived the life I should’ve lived and paid the price I should’ve paid so that He could be with me. It’s been said that God is love so therefore, can’t He just forgive? But what kind of love is that if it doesn’t cost Him anything? And because it came at a great price to God to forgive me… I know for certain that He loves me. If I am so terrible that He had to die for me but He was so willing to do it… what good thing would He ever keep from me? That’s how great God’s love is.

“Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else?” [Romans 8:32]

So it’s funny to me because it’s a little bit ridiculous. It would be like me being able to travel back in time and be given the option of keeping the shelf at great cost to my windshield and still deciding to take home the shelf. God’s love is almost absurd that He would give Himself up for me. That He was rejected so that I could be accepted… that He became poor so that I could be rich… that He became worthless so that I could be priceless. He paid for everything… there is nothing I can work at to earn anything from Him. So it’s funny because even after all that… I can still doubt His love for me.